Don't Call Me a Crook! by Bob Moore

Don't Call Me a Crook is at times amusing but at others disturbing. It does offer the rare opportunity of delving into a rogue's travels and view of the world.

Bob Moore was a survivor who kept cool under pressure, trusted his instincts and was extremely resourceful. He was also a funny Scotsman without intending to be and an excellent storyteller.

On the down side, Bob Moore was a liar, thief, racist, drunkard and murderer, with little to no remorse for those that he harmed. He seemed to think he was superior, even when he was scruffy and out of work. He referred to any race different from his own with a derogatory slang term. In the 20’s and 30’s this was more common, but that doesn’t excuse it.

Bob’s Crimes

If his slang gets confusing in Don’t Call Me A Crook! (Bob Moore, Dissident Books, ISBN: 9780977378807, 2009) there are handy footnotes with definitions included. It seems more authentic to keep the original written words intact anyway, and it made for a fascinating tale of a rogue who seemed slightly psychotic. It was originally published in 1935 without much fanfare and only recently was republished.

Death didn’t faze him and even when his hand caused the death, he brushed it off casually or excused it. He refused to admit that he was a crook (hence the name Don’t Call Me a Crook!) or thief and refers to stealing as swiping, as if that’s somehow better.

In between jobs he did a lot of stealing and conning, so the places he could travel became limited since victims of theft or police were after him everywhere. Anyone with money, jewelry or booze was a target to Bob. He still certainly made his rounds by traveling all over the world on ships. His escapades in England, China and the U.S. were particularly of interest.


Bob Moore and Women

There were several women he led on and charmed out of their money and he didn’t think twice about ripping off a boss on his way out the door. He would occasionally do favors for friends, but there was almost always something in it for him. That’s not to say he never had any sympathy for anyone, but he tended to favor drinking buddies with money.

At one point he did bow to family pressure and made an attempt at settling down and marrying in Glasgow. Since Bob seemed incapable of staying in one place or job too long, this didn’t work out.

 He describes his travels, experiences and associates so well that they’re easy to envision. An engineer by trade, Bob Moore had no problem getting jobs on yachts or ships. These were full of adventures including rowdy parties, pirate shootouts, fistfights and drowning. How anyone ever managed to survive this lifestyle full of danger, diseases and violence is a mystery. Whether everything Bob wrote is true or not is another mystery.